17. rész

Rex: "What are these?"
Bree: "They’re brochures for youth detention centers."
Rex: "How long have you had these?"
Bree: "They’ve been in the drawer for a few months. I had a feeling we might be needing them."
Rex: "Bree, I don’t know."
Bree: "We have to admit that we need help. If we can’t get through to Andrew then we have to find someone who can."
Rex: "You really want to send our son away to some prison camp?"
Bree: "Oh come on, don’t be so dramatic. Some of these places actually look fun. Look. Camp Hennessey." (reading) "Camp Hennessey teaches kids respect for authority and boundaries in a summer camp-like

Carlos: "I just spoke to the lawyers. They offered a plea bargain."
Gabrielle: "And that’s - good?"
Carlos: "It means they know they got a weak case. They don’t think they can win. It’s over."
Gabrielle: "Oh my god! Honey, that means we can keep the house!"
Carlos: "No. We still have to sell the house. I gotta pay the lawyers."
Gabrielle: "But I thought you said they offered a plea bargain."
Carlos: "Yeah, but we’re not gonna take that."
Gabrielle: "Put me down."

Lynette: "So what did Mike say when he gave you the letter?"
Susan: "That it explains everything."
Bree: "Well, does it?"
Susan: "I haven’t read it."
Edie: "Well, why the hell not?"
Susan: "I just can’t."
Lynette: "You’re a better woman than me. I would have ripped that open with my teeth. Aren’t you dying to know what he wrote?"
Susan: "Yes. What if it just a bunch of far-fetched stories."
Bree: "Well, you should assume that it is."
Lynette: "Why?"
Bree: "Well, think about how good men are at lying on the spot. I mean, God forbid, you should give them time and a pen!"

Bill: "This is only temporary. You’re going to need to take this tire in to get it fixed."
Susan: "Thanks, I will."
Bill: "Seriously. It’s not safe. You’re probably only going to get 20, 30 miles out of it."
Susan: "All right, I promise."
Bill: "Hey listen, I’m about to break for lunch. How would you like to join me?"
Susan: "Lunch?"
Bill: "Yeah. Lunch."
Susan: "Are you asking me out on a date?"
Bill: "That sounds kind of formal for a burrito and a can of soda but, yeah, I guess I am."
Susan: "Aren’t you dating Edie?"
Bill: "We went out on a date, we’re not dating."
Susan: "Oh."
Bill: "So how about it? I’m buying."
Susan: "Yeah. I just got out of this relationship with this guy, Mike, and it’s kind of complicated. Anyway, I’m just not even sure where I am right now emotionally, I’m just all jumbled up and I don’t think I could leap right into something new, relationship wise, you know, at the moment."
Bill: "Again. Just a burrito."
Susan: "Sorry."
Bill: "Okay, I understand. Sounds like you need a little time to reflect and heal."
Susan: "I do. I really do."
Bill: "Okay. I’ll check back with you again tomorrow."

Tom: "Means I love you."
Lynette: "Yeah, that’s great. What am I gonna do?"
Tom: "What do you mean?"
Lynette: "Well, obviously she needs to be told."
Tom: "Wha-no, no, no, she doesn’t. This is between Dennis and Alisa."
Lynette: "How can I ignore this? And I quote, 'It’s not like she can hear.'"
Tom: "Lynette you’re starting to ring up into that whole meddling thing that you do."
Lynette: "Excuse me!"
Tom: "Let me just handle it. Let’s avoid a big thing."
Lynette: "Are you saying I can’t be tactful?"
Tom: "No. If he says something when we play tennis, I will take him aside man to man and say that’s not cool."
Lynette: "Are you saying I’m not tactful?"

Lynette: "She’s your wife. How can you talk about her like that?"
Dennis: "Let me tell you what Saint Alisa is saying with that phony smile plastered on her face." (signing and talking) "'Move your ass, Dennis. Nice love handles, Dennis. Try switching your deodorant, Dennis.'"
Lynette: "All right, enough. If you’ve got issues with your wife, tell her."
Dennis: "We’re in counseling."
Lynette: "Yeah, well it’s not working too well if you have to unload on a perfect stranger, is it? If you’re unhappy in your marriage, do something, instead of just complaining, 'cause frankly, I don’t want to hear it!"
Alisa: "Hey! Let’s trade partners."
Lynette: "Great."

Carlos: "And that’s not right."
Gabrielle: "You are so brave."
Carlos: "It’s not without strings. I need you to promise me that you're gonna be here when I get out."
Gabrielle: "Well, that’s a ridiculous thing to say. I’m not going anywhere."
Carlos: "And I need you to promise me that you'll be faithful while I’m gone."
Gabrielle: "Yeah. Of course."
Carlos: "Gabrielle, I’m no fool. You’re a beautiful woman and I understand that you have needs. But I'm a very jealous and possessive man, and I need to hear you say it."
Gabrielle: "I promise."
Carlos: "Okay then. Tomorrow morning, we’ll so and see the lawyers."
Gabrielle: "I love you."

Bree: "Sweetheart, it’s been clear to us for sometime now that you’ve been unhappy. All this acting out..."
Rex: "The pot smoking, the violence."
Bree: "It just isn’t you. And we feel that you need to spend some quality time thinking about the goals in your life and what kind of person you want to be."
Andrew: "What the hell are you talking about?"
Bree: "There’s this place called Camp Hennessey. It’s designed for teenagers like yourself who have lost their way and..."
Andrew: "You gotta be kidding me."
Rex: "They, they emphasize discipline and responsibility. Two things you’re sorely in need of."
Bree: "Hopefully, you won’t have to be there for more than a few weeks."
Andrew: "You can stop this now. I’m, I'm not going to any stupid camp for juvenile delinquents."

18. rész

Gabrielle: "I'm so lucky to have you."
Carlos: "Okay, I'll bite. Why are you so lucky?"
Gabrielle: "Because I don't want to have kids and you do."
Carlos: "Oh, that."
Gabrielle: "Most men would leave over something like that and you're still here. I'm grateful. I know the sacrifice you're making."
Carlos: "There’s still a little part of me that’s hoping to change your mind. Once you had a baby, I think that you would love it so much that-"
Gabrielle: "Honey, it’s not going to happen."
Carlos: "You never know."
Gabrielle: "No, sometimes you do."
Carlos: "Well, it is a sacrifice. But you're worth it."

Detective: "Sorry to bother you on a weekend. We just have a few questions for you."
Paul: "About what?"
Detective: "Twelve years ago your late wife purchased a toy chest."
Paul: "Toy chest?"
Detective: "Yeah, it was about this big, had little dancing bears on it."
Paul: "Gosh, I'm sorry."
Detective #2: "The craftsman who makes these chests keeps a list of customers. Apparently you purchased one in August nineteen ninety-two."
Detective: "Yeah, we'd like to know where that chest is now."
Paul: "Wow, I, um, I wish I could help you. I don't recall any toy chest."
Zach: "I remember. Yeah it had little bears and balloons on it, right?"
Detective: "Yes, son, that’s right."
Zach: "Yeah, we threw that chest away when I was little. I was standing on it and it just busted. Remember, dad?"
Paul: "Vaguely."
Detective: "I guess that’s all, then. Thank you both for your time."
Zach: "Hey. What’s the deal with this chest anyway?"
Detective: "The one just like you had washed up on Torch Lake. It had a woman in it."
Zach: "A woman?"
Detective: "She was all chopped up."

Rex: "We can't cancel now. It’s two days away."
Bree: "Rex, I'm not going. That’s all there is to it."
Rex: "Counseling is part of the treatment at Camp Hennessey. You knew that."
Bree: "Nowhere in that brochure did it say that we were expected to attend."
Rex: "Well, what is Andrew going to think if you don't show up?"
Bree: "Well, I am making him his care package. I mean he'll know that I'm thinking about him."
Rex: "Why are you putting in lemon squares? They told us not to send him sweets."
Bree: "Well, I don't understand why."
Rex: "I guess they feel baked goods from mom undercut the boot camp experience."
Bree: "Fine. I won't send them, but I think it’s a stupid rule."
Rex: "So, are you going to this thing or not?"
Bree: "No."
Rex: "Why?"
Bree: "Because the minute I get there, Andrew will start attacking me for abandoning him, and I don't want to hear it."

Sophie: "I am so sorry."
Susan: "Hey, mom."
Sophie: "Oh, hey Suzie. I goofed."
Susan: "What happened?"
Sophie: "Oh, you know me, no depth perception whatsoever. This time they even issued me a license."
Mike: "So you're Susan’s mom?"
Sophie: "Yeah, I'm Sophie Bremmer. And you are?"
Mike: "Mike Delfino."
Sophie: "Oh, you're Mike? Oh my god, Susan’s told me so much about you. don't just stand there. Give me a hug."
Susan: "Mom, um, Mike and I aren't together anymore."
Sophie: "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I just made this pretty awkward, huh?"
Susan: "Yeah, you, you really did. So let’s just call the insurance company."
Sophie: "Okay. Well, it’s nice meeting you anyway, Mike."
Mike: "You too, and I never would've guessed that you were Susan’s mom."
Sophie: "I know, I look too young. I got pregnant when I was a tiny teenager."
Susan: "Okay."
Sophie: "It was the first time I got drunk ever. Can you believe it?"
Susan: "Let’s go."
Sophie: "Her father was a marine. Afterwards he gave me three of his medals."
Susan: "Mom!"
Sophie: "What?"
Susan: "Let’s just go inside and call the insurance company."
Sophie: "All right."
Susan: "And what are you smiling about?"
Mike: "I used to have all these questions about how you got to be the way you are. They were all just answered."

Lynette: "Hi. Hi."
Bree: "Hi, what’s going on?"
Lynette: "Oh, um, my baby-sitter canceled."
Bree: "Oh, Lynette, I'm so swamped today. My house is a mess and I've got millions of errands to run so-"
Lynette: "Please, hear me out. This is important. Today I have a chance to rejoin the human race for a few hours. There are actual adults waiting for me with margaritas. Look. I'm in a dress, I have make-up on."
Bree: "If it were any other day-"
Lynette: "Oh. for god’s sake, Bree. I'm wearing pantyhose."
Bree: "Bring 'em in."
Lynette: "Thank you, thank you. Okay, in you go."

Susan: "And then the police showed me his mug shots."
Sophie: "No!"
Susan: "Yes. Mike served time for selling drugs and man slaughter."
Sophie: "I can't believe it."
Susan: "Well, it’s true."
Sophie: "He has such a nice manners, you know?"
Susan: "I know."
Sophie: "Suzie, I don't want you worrying too much about this Mike thing. The right man will come along. Just give it time."
Susan: "I think I would've given up entirely if it weren't for you and Morty."
Sophie: "Morty?"
Susan: "Yeah, you know. It's the third time around for both of you and you're really clicking. Ah. It gives me hope. What’s wrong?"
Sophie: "Nothing, nothing. Um, I'm just, um, tired."
Susan: "You're not tired. You took a nap. What is it?"
Sophie: "I left Morty."
Susan: "What? Why?"
Sophie: "Because he shoved me."
Susan: "Morty? No."
Sophie: "You think I'm lying? Ah! Fine."
Susan: "Why would he shove you?"
Sophie: "Because I confronted him. About how much time he’s spending at the damn pancake restaurant. If that’s where he’s really been."
Susan: "Oh, you can't be serious. Morty?"
Sophie: "You think men his age don't have needs? You should see the waitresses he hires. Every year, they get younger and younger."
Susan: "Maybe you just feel that way because every year you get older and older."
Sophie: "Well, that’s a horrible thing to say."
Susan: "I'm sorry."
Sophie: "I'm not that old."
Susan: "I said I was sorry."
Sophie: "People think we're sisters."
Susan: "Well, that’s 'cause you tell them that."
Sophie: "One time. You've got to let go of that."
Susan: "Okay look, I am just saying that I don't think Morty cheated on you."
Sophie: "Well, he did shove me. The least you could do is be supportive."
Susan: "You're right. You're right."
Sophie: "He also threw a book at me."
Susan: "Oh, come on! I mean, he shouldn't have done that."
Sophie: "Thank you."

Porter: "But I'm hungry."
Bree: "Well, then, I will fix you a very nice bowl of peaches and cottage cheese."
Porter: "Ew, barf."
Bree: "Don't be common, young man. Now come on. If you play around with those cookies one more time I'm gonna have to spank you."
Preston: "We don't get spanked."
Bree: "Really?"
Porter: "Mommy always says she’s gonna, but she never does."
Bree: "Well, I am not your mommy, and if you misbehave in my house, you will get spanked. So be good."

Carlos: "It doesn't mean that I don't love you. You know how I think you're the perfect woman?"
Gabrielle: "Oh, but I'm not. I have flaws."
Carlos: "Flaws?"
Gabrielle: "Hmm hmm. I'm gonna give you an example. Remember the time when you were in jail and you told me about your secret compartment? And you told me to burn the papers that I found in there? Well, me being pretty and therefore, stupid, I forgot."
Carlos: "You didn't burn the papers?"
Gabrielle: "Worse. I read them."
Carlos: "Okay, okay."
Gabrielle: "You have some nerve talking to me about trust when you have a secret bank account in the Cayman Islands."
Carlos: "That was a safety net for both of us."
Gabrielle: "I'll bet."
Carlos: "Have you told anyone else about this?"
Gabrielle: "No, but I could. Hey, isn't that why the prosecution didn't have a case against you? They couldn't find the profits you made. So if I were you, Carlos, I wouldn't mention the words divorce, trust, post-nup ever again. You don't want to piss me off."

Lynette: "So help me, if you don't back me up on this, I will lose it."
Tom: "Yes, Bree shouldn't have spanked Porter, but it’s not like she hurt him."
Lynette: "That is not the point. You don't spank other people’s children."
Tom: "He was misbehaving. She had to do something. But make no mistake, she definitely crossed the line."
Lynette: "Yeah, you're damn right she did. She could've tried something else, like a timeout or she could've simply threatened to spank him."
Tom: "Yeah, because that works out so well when we do it."
Lynette: "It does work. It does work most of the time."
Tom: "It used to work. They've figured out it’s an empty threat. They're onto us."
Lynette: "My mom used to beat the hell out of my sisters and me, and I won't do it. I will not become my mother."
Tom: "Fine, but the boys are getting older and smarter and eventually, believe me, eventually, they're going to figure out that they out number us and then..."
Lynette: "We're screwed."
Tom: "Exactly."

Zach: This is really good, Mrs. Tilman. Thanks a lot."
Felicia: "You're welcome, Zachary."
Zach: "You know, I've never actually been in Mrs. Huber’s house before."
Felicia: "Obviously you haven't missed much. This is the place where good taste goes to die. So I heard you and your father arguing the other day. Everything all right at home?"
Zach: "Yeah. We just have problems sometimes."
Felicia: "I bet you miss your mother. I'm sure things were different when she was alive. Such a warm, loving woman."
Zach: "You knew my mother?"
Felicia: "Yup. Years ago in Utah. We worked together."
Zach: "I didn't know that."
Felicia: "It’s true. In fact, I'll tell you a secret. I once met you when you were a little baby."
Zach: "Really."
Felicia: "Mmm hmm. Your mother loved you so much, Zachary. Of all the things I remember, I remember that the most."

Susan: "Oh god. Are you all right?"
Masseuse: "You kicked me!"
Susan: "Oh I'm so sorry. I was startled. Here, here, lean your head back."
Sophie: "I'm not saying permanently. Just for a couple of years."
Masseuse: "You broke my nose."
Susan: "No, no, it’s just banged a little."
Sophie: "Till I get back on my feet."
Susan: "Mom, can we talk about this later?"
Masseuse #2: "Should we call nine-one-one?"
Susan: "No, just a nose bleed. She’s fine."
Sophie: "I thought you'd be excited by the idea."
Susan: "It’s not that I'm not excited."
Sophie: "I'm not stupid, Susan. It’s obvious you don't want me here."
Susan: "No that’s not true. Mom don't go. Mom come back. You know I need to-we’re good, right?"
Masseuse: "Just go."

19. rész

Mrs. McClusky: "It's bad enough we got to look at that god-awful color you painted the house. We shouldn't have to stare at your cans for days on end."
Lynette: "You want to talk about good neighbor etiquette? How about you hire a gardener to take care of that jungle you call a lawn?"
Mrs. McClusky: "I am on a fixed income."
Lynette: "Oh. Well, perhaps you should consider moving somewhere less expensive, like a nursing home."
Mrs. McClusky: "Go to hell."

Mike: "My god."
Noah: "Cops I.D’ed her from her dental records. She's been dead fifteen years. All that time I was looking for her, she was already gone."
Mike: "I'm so sorry."
Noah: "I have to bury my baby. I came out here to, uh, figure out what kind of tombstone to get her."

Rex: "I don't know. I think we may be making a huge mistake."
Bree: "We made our decision. Let's just stick to it."
Rex: "Let's say we leave him here three more weeks. What's the worst that could happen?"
Bree: "Our son just told us that he might be gay. There are two hundred other boys in this camp. Now, I could explain to you what might happen if we left him here, but I'm a lady, and I don't use that kind of language."
Rex: "You know, I bet we're worrying ourselves sick over nothing. This is probably just a phase."
Bree: "Exactly, so we'll get him home, we'll get him into Christian counseling, so it won't become a lifestyle."
Rex: "Well, whatever's going on with him, he's still our son, and we love him."
Bree: "Why would you say that to me?"
Rex: "Because it's obvious how freaked out you are by the whole gay thing."
Bree: "I may be freaked out, but that doesn't change how I feel about him."
Rex: "I'm just saying: be cool."

Susan: "Could you please not flirt with the ice cream man?"
Sophie: "Why not?"
Susan: "Do you need a reason beyond the fact that he's the ice cream man?"
Sophie: "It's called moving on with your life."
Susan: "You just broke up with Morty two weeks ago. Don't you think you can at least pretend to mourn the relationship?"
Sophie: "Oh, you are such a stick in the mud. We should be out there having fun. I know what we can do tonight. We can go to some hip club and get some hot guys."
Susan: "Mom."
Sophie: "Oh, it'll be great! I'll say I'm forty-two, and you can be twenty-eight. What? Oh, you could pull it off."

Carlos: "How many times have I got to say I'm sorry?"
Gabrielle: "Obviously, a few more."
Carlos: "I am not proud of what I did. I admit, I was way out of line."
Gabrielle: "You want back in this bed? You know what to do."
Carlos: "I'm not tearing up the post-nup."
Gabrielle: "Why not?"
Carlos: "Because it's the one way that I can ensure you'll be here when I get out of jail."
Gabrielle: "Well, then have fun at the motel."
Carlos: "Fine. Tomorrow I'm canceling your credit cards."
Gabrielle: "What?"
Carlos: "And I'm taking away your ATM as well."
Gabrielle: "What am I supposed to do for money?"
Carlos: "Maybe once you see how good you've got it here, you'll start treating me with a little respect."
Gabrielle: "You want my respect? Then tear up the post-nup."
Carlos: "Give me my pillow."
Gabrielle: "One more thing. If you ever hurt me again, I will kill you."
Carlos: "If you ever leave me for another man, I'll kill you."

Susan: "Aah! Oh! Oh, God."
Sophie: "Susie, this is Tim."
Tim: "Sorry we startled you."
Susan: "Oh, uh, that's okay. I, I just didn't expect to see anybody up at a quarter to one."
Sophie: "Oh, Susie, you should have come out tonight. I met Tim here at the Islands Bar, and he introduced me to this crazy drink. The Dirty Volcano. Ahhh."
Tim: "Whoo!"
Sophie: "And then we danced, and he dipped me."
Tim: "Sophie's very limber."
Susan: "Uh, mom, could I just talk to you in the family room for a minute?"
Sophie: "Oh, sure."
Tim: "Susan is your daughter?"
Sophie: "Yep."
Tim: "No, she can't be."
Sophie: "Yes."
Tim: "No."
Sophie: "Yeah!"
Tim: "No!"
Sophie: "Yeah!"
Tim: "No!"
Sophie: "Yes."
Susan: "Okay, we get it. She looks young."

Detective Sullivan: "The file on Noah's daughter."
Mike: "Yeah, he said you had some leads."
Detective Sullivan: "Yeah, sure, we got some leads."
Mike: "Is there a problem?"
Detective Sullivan: "Gee, I don't know. I'm handing a confidential police report over to a killer and drug dealer. Why should that be a problem?"
Mike: "Thanks."

Reverend Sikes: "And all it takes is a little faith and a desire to change."
Andrew: "I'm sorry, but I, I really don't want to talk about my sex life."
Bree: "Well, that's just too bad, because this needs to be discussed."
Reverend Sikes: "Bree, please, let the boy speak. Go on."
Andrew: "Well, I appreciate your offer to help. I do. But I don't hate myself. So, I'm good."
Reverend Sikes: "Son, I know what it's like to be a teenager. It's a very confusing time."
Andrew: "I'm not confused. I know exactly who I am."
Reverend Sikes: "Well, if you ever do want to talk, my door is always open."
Bree: "Reverend, I don't mean to criticize, but, it sounds like you're giving up."
Reverend Sikes: "We can't force him on a path of righteousness. He, himself, has got to want to make the journey."
Bree: "Well, then, what do we do, just stand by while he starts dating boys? And by the way, the correct word is not gay. It's sodomy."
Rex: "We're in the middle of dinner."
Bree: "So?"
Rex: "So can you at least wait till dessert before calling our son a sodomite?"
Bree: "How you can sit there and be so casual is beyond me."
Rex: "For starters, I knew this dinner was a bad idea the moment you suggested it."
Bree: "Well, at least I'm trying to be proactive."
Reverend Sikes: "Please, there's no need to get upset."
Bree: "I am upset because there is a problem here, and no one seems to notice it but me."
Rex: "As far as I'm concerned, if Andrew is happy with who he is, then it is our job to support him."

Andrew: "Well, here's the thing. I lied to my parents. I'm not gay."
Reverend Sikes: "You're not."
Andrew: "Not really. Look, all I know is I wanted to get the hell out of that camp, so I lied to my parents, and I told them that I was really worried that I was having feelings for other guys, and they did exactly what I wanted them to. They are such tools."
Reverend Sikes: "I'm sorry, just so I'm clear -- are you a heterosexual or aren't you?"
Andrew: "Look, I love vanilla ice cream, okay? But every now and then, I'm probably gonna be in the mood for chocolate. You know what I'm saying?"
Reverend Sikes: "I do, but God would prefer you stick to the vanilla."
Andrew: "I don't believe in God."
Reverend Sikes: "You don't?"
Andrew: "No. Sorry."
Reverend Sikes: "You know, your mother's gonna be devastated. She's been praying so hard for you to change."
Andrew: "Well, that's the good news. I am gonna change -- big time."
Reverend Sikes: "I-I'm not sure I follow."
Andrew: "You know what my mom said to me last night? She said she doesn't think I'm going to Heaven. Can you believe that?"
Reverend Sikes: "I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but the only way you can know Paradise is by repenting your sins."
Andrew: "When she said that to me, suddenly it hit me how I was gonna get back at her. From now on, I'm going to be so good. I'm gonna eat my vegetables, I'm,I'm gonna get good grades, I'm gonna say "yes, ma'am" and "no, ma'am." I'm gonna make her believe that God has delivered her this little miracle. Until one day, when she least expects it, I'm gonna do something so awful, it is going to rock her world. I mean, it is really going to destroy her. And when that day comes, trust me. I'll know Paradise."

20. rész

Zach: "Ms. Mayer, I am so sorry. It's just, one pebble wasn't working, so I tried a whole handful."
Susan: "Ow, ow."
Zach: "Look, I'll make it up to you."
Susan: "Oh, how? Are you gonna give me your corneas?"
Julie: "Mom, lay back."
Zach: "I just wanted to talk to Julie. She hasn't been returning my phone calls."
Julie: "Well, I'm here now. What do you want?"
Zach: "Come on, Julie. I just want to see you again. You know, talk, hang out."
Julie: "Maybe it would be better if we just cooled it for a while, okay?"
Zach: "Why?"
Susan: "Well, you just threw rocks in her mother's face. How's that for a start?"

 George: "Hello there."
Bree: "Oh, my heavenly days. Rex, look! It's George."
George: "It's nice to see you, Bree. Dr. Van de Kamp."
Rex: "George."
George: "So, how's your health?"
Rex: "Not good, and my cardiologist is an idiot."
Bree: "The doctor upped his dosage twice, and it's still not helping."
George: "I'm sure it'll all work itself out. You know, it's funny running into you both. I happen to have extra tickets to a bonsai exposition in Mt. Pleasant Friday night. Would you like to go?"
Bree: "I would love to. Rex?"
Rex: "A whole evening of bonsai trees? Wouldn't it just be easier to shoot me?"
George: "Probably."

Gabrielle: "I am so sorry. It just hit me out of nowhere. You know, it's so weird. Smells have been making me nauseous lately."
Saleswoman: "Boobs tender? Achy back?"
Gabrielle: "Yeah. Has it been going around?"
Saleswoman: "Only for centuries. I went through it all when I was carrying my oldest. The truth is, you're never gonna fit a child safety seat in the back of that tiny Spyder anyway. The four-doors are much roomier."
Gabrielle: "What, wait, uh, I'm sorry, you, you think I'm pregnant? No, I'm not pregnant."
Saleswoman: "Oh, you just have all the symptoms. I-I just assumed..."
Gabrielle: "Well, you assumed wrong."
Saleswoman: "Well, I'm sorry."
Gabrielle: "I'm on the pill, for god's sakes!"
Saleswoman: "Okay."
Gabrielle: "You know, and another thing, I don't want a four-door. I want a sexy little convertible, and I want to buy one right now!"
Saleswoman: "I'll go start the paperwork."
Gabrielle: "Well, not this one. I vomited in this one."
Saleswoman: "Right. We'll find you a fresh one."

Edie: "Hey, Paul. What's up?"
Paul: "Something's been nagging me, Edie. I wanted to talk to you about it."
Edie: "Okay."
Paul: "That night I found you in my house -- why were you really there?"
Edie: "Well, you know why. I came by to drop off your key."
Paul: "Some things were moved around my living room. What were you looking for?"
Edie: "What are you talking about?"
Paul: "Do I have to call the police?"
Edie: "Do whatever you want."
Paul: "Suit yourself."

Susan: "Uh, I'll talk to you girls later."
Mike: "Still avoiding me, huh?"
Susan: "No, no. What do you want?"
Mike: "I heard that you and Edie broke into Paul Young's house."
Susan: "Who told you that?"
Mike: "Edie."
Susan: "Well, yeah, we did. Um, we were just looking. It doesn't matter. It was dumb."
Mike: "Listen, I want you to stay away from that guy."
Susan: "Well, I was planning on doing that anyway."
Mike: "Good."
Susan: "Mike? I know why I was planning on staying away from him. Why do you want me to stay away from him?"
Mike: "I just know he's a bad guy. So, please, don't mess with him."
Susan: "I won't. I promise."

Rex: "So. I've been thinking about the pharmacist."
Bree: "George. What about him?"
Rex: "I don't think you should go out with him."
Bree: "Please don't be this way. He's the only friend I have who's interested in cultural things."
Rex: "Bree. I'm worried because he is obviously still in love with you."
Bree: "No, he just wants to be friends. He told me so."
Rex: "Well, what else would a man in love say? He's desperate to spend time with you."
Bree: "He does not seem desperate to me."
Rex: "I saw the way hands trembled when you touched his shoulder."
Bree: "They did?"
Rex: "When we first started dating, the same thing happened to me."
Bree: "I don't remember that."
Rex: "Listen, continuing to see him would just be giving him false hope."
Bree: "Well, I certainly don't want to hurt him...again."
Rex: "No. You don't. I even think it would be a good idea to switch pharmacies."
Bree: "Really? Well, okay. You know what I'm gonna miss most about him? George always has a way of making me good about myself."
Rex (sarcastically): "Yeah, he's a terrific guy."
Bree: "Honey, do your hands still tremble when they touch me?"
Rex (laughing): "No. But come on, we've been married eighteen years."
Bree: "Yes, we have. And you still don't know when I need you to lie."

Father Crowley: "You're pregnant?"
Gabrielle: "Yes, and it's impossible. I am on the pill. Which I know you probably think is a sin, but it works. It's a ninety-nine point nine percent effective sin."
Father Crowley: "Well, maybe it's in that one-tenth of a percent that God resides."
Gabrielle: "Couldn't wait to throw that in, could you? Look, God is screwing with me. He doesn't like the way I live my life, so he's punishing me."
Father Crowley: "Well, have you done something that would warrant being punished? The gardener? I thought that was over."
Gabrielle: "Well, it was, and then, and, well, you just had to be there. Look, that's my point is I'd be an awful mother. I'm selfish, and I'm self-centered, and the only person more self-centered than me is Carlos. I mean, he's so self-centered that he doesn't even know how self-centered I am. We'd be terrible parents."
Father Crowley: "Gabrielle, I'd like to help, but I'm not exactly sure what it is you want."
Gabrielle: "You know, it's just, I want to know who to be angry at."
Father Crowley: "Here's a thought. Don't be angry. Be thankful. Children are a gift, are they not?"
Gabrielle: "I don't have time for this crap. I have a party to plan."

Zach: "We're not moving."
Paul: "Susan knows something. Edie said she found-"
Zach: "I don't care what Edie Britt said! I'm not leaving Julie."
Paul: "You want to risk our lives, our future, over some schoolyard crush?"
Zach: "It is more than that. Julie loves me."
Paul: "Then why does she refuse to see you?"
Zach: "Mrs. Mayer lies to her. If it wasn't for that, she would be with me."
Paul: "Are you sure? You know, Julie's a very special girl."
Zach: "I know."
Paul: "She could have just about any boy she wanted. I think you're a wonderful kid, I do, but... you're not that special, Zach. Not really."
Zach: "But she kissed me."
Paul: "Lately? Let's just pack our bags and get out of here. We can leave this whole mess behind. We can start over. And there will be other girls, I promise."
Zach: "No."

Paul: "It was Mary Alice's birth name. She was named after her Aunt Angela. When she was a teenager, they had a falling out, so she changed her name to Mary Alice. This is before we were married, so you'll forgive me if I'm hazy on the details."
Susan: "That's it? That's the explanation?"
Paul: "Ridiculously simple, isn't it?"
Susan: "She changed her name because she got in a fight with her aunt? Paul, that just doesn't seem like something Mary Alice would do."
Paul: "Neither did suicide, but we both know that she did it. So, can we finally put this behind us, or do you need to break into my home for anything else?"
Susan: "Uh, no. Um, I'm good. Thanks. Although if you wouldn't mind, I'd really like to see that videotape I found. The one marked "Angela." It'd be nice to see Mary Alice when she was young."
Paul: "I'm afraid that box of tapes was thrown out with the trash."
Susan: "Okay, then."
Paul: "Susan. I'm serious when I say I hope you'll leave my family alone now. This endless suspicion of yours has become very tiring."
Susan: "I couldn't agree more."

Tom: "So this is quite a show you put on tonight."
Lynette: "Show?"
Tom: "The boys' paintings, all those references to how happy we are."
Lynette: "What's wrong with subtly reminding Annabel that you're happily married?"
Tom: "Because it wasn't subtle, and it's an insult to me."
Lynette: "I did not mean it that way."
Tom: "Are you so insecure that you have to pull that crap?"
Lynette: "Keep your voice down."
Tom: "It doesn't matter if she has feelings for me as long I am not interested. Have I ever, ever given you any reason to doubt me?"
Lynette: "Anyone is capable of anything. The first time we ever met, you were cheating."
Tom: "With you. Cheating with you."
Lynette: "It's a pattern of behavior."
Tom: "Oh, give me a break."
Lynette: "Well, what am I supposed to do? You hire your old girlfriend, and you don't tell me about it for three months?"
Tom: "I could have told you from day one, and you would still be jumping down my throat. No, Annabel is ancient history."
Lynette: "She's in the next room."
Tom: "How long do we have to be married, Lynette? How long until you actually trust me?"
Lynette: "I trust you."
Tom: "How many times have you said to me, "if you ever touch another woman, I will take the boys, and I will walk out of here, and you will never see us again"?"
Lynette: "Well, that's just something wives say to their husbands."
Tom: "Not all wives. God, Lynette, you're just so convinced that I'm gonna be unfaithful. It, it makes me sick. The distrust, the paranoia. You know, no, it seems like you're not gonna be happy until you drive me out of this marriage just to prove yourself right."

21. rész

Gabrielle: "Look. It’s been pulled apart and put back together."
Carlos: "It’s probably a manufacturing defect."
Gabrielle: "You can still see the glue marks."
Carlos: "I’m telling you, I didn’t do it."
Gabrielle: "Don’t insult me, Carlos. You’ve been whining about wanting a baby for months. Who else would it have been?"
Carlos: "I don’t, I, oh no."
Gabrielle: "What?"
Carlos: "Mama."
Gabrielle: "Oh, please."
Carlos: "Hey, it’s possible. I mean you buy that stuff in bulk, six months at a time, right?"
Gabrielle: "Yeah. So?"
Carlos: "Before the accident I told her how much I wanted a child and she said that she would take care of it. I just thought that she would talk to you. Baby, I am so sorry."
Gabrielle: "That bitch! I can’t believe her."
Carlos: "I loved her, but even I had issues sometimes. I mean she could be very controlling."
Gabrielle: "Reaching out from the grave to screw with me. God, she’s good!"

Sophie: "Will you stop? You don’t know the whole story."
Susan: "Mother!"
Sophie: "I went over there and I told him how much you love him."
Susan: "What? What were you thinking?"
Julie: "What did he say?"
Susan: "Yeah. What did he say?"
Sophie: "I think I walked in on him at a very bad time. Someone close to him had just died."
Susan: "Oh, God. Really?"
Sophie: "He could use a shoulder to cry on. Can I have one more hug? Please, I can’t stand it."

John: "I can barely afford my new dirt bike. How am I gonna handle child support?"
Gabrielle: "I don’t even know for sure if it’s yours, so relax. And I didn’t come here to watch you freak out!"
John: "Well, why did you come here?"
Gabrielle: "Because I want to make sure you let me protect you."
John: "From who?"
Gabrielle: "Uh, Carlos, your parents. John, something like this could ruin your life. That’s why you have to keep quiet about our affair. There is no point in this catastrophe taking both of us down."
John: "Thank you."
Gabrielle: "Forget about it."
John: "I should have worn a condom."
Gabrielle: "Yeah. That would have been helpful."

Kendra: "What’s going on here? You two just won’t stop, will you? Deirdre’s dead. It doesn’t matter who killed her, just let it go."
Mike: "It’s not that easy, Kendra."
Kendra: "Why? My sister hated you, both of you. She said so."
Noah: "It was the drugs talking."
Kendra: "Right, right. The drugs. Deirdre humiliated this family and she threw our love back in our faces. She knew it and she couldn’t have cared less."
Noah: "Are you done?"
Kendra: "No. I want to know what your plan is."
Mike: "We’re just talking."
Kendra: "I don’t believe you."
Mike: "Then don’t ask."

Bree: "What do you think, Rex? I chose green so that it will work whether Gabrielle has a boy or a girl."
Rex (distracted): "That’s great."
Bree: "What’s the matter. You’ve been mopey all day."
Rex: "I’m sorry. I’m just worried about the test results. If I don’t find out what’s wrong with me soon, I’m gonna lose my mind."
Bree: "Oh, honey."
Rex: "You must get tired of hearing me complain."
Bree: "No, no not at all. I think we should talk about it. In fact, I think, maybe, we don’t talk enough."
Rex: "I guess."
Bree: "Why don’t we start doing things together again, as a couple."
Rex: "Mm hmm."
Bree: "I think that as soon as you’re well enough we should go on a vacation. Take a trip, go somewhere fun. Remember our trip to Italy?"
Rex: "Yeah, sort of."
Bree: "Sort of? You don’t remember the glorious food and the gorgeous scenery and -"
Rex: "What I remember is sweating like a pig and wishing we hadn’t spent all our savings. So, where would you like to go?"
Bree: "It doesn’t matter. You decide."

Kendra: "Mike wasn’t a drug dealer."
Susan: "What?"
Kendra: "Deirdre was. Mike, he, he kicked the habit early on, but Deirdre couldn’t, or didn’t want to. I don’t know. Anyway, she spiraled out of control and was in and out of jail. One day, an undercover cop caught her using and he forced her to trade sex for freedom. Look, Mike found out about it and he tried to put a stop to it. He busted in on the two of them. He, the cop pulled a gun on him and Mike fought him off but they both went over the balcony. Mike was the only one that got back up."
Susan: "It was self defense?"
Kendra: "Yeah."

22. rész

Susan: "I cannot believe you are still coming onto him."
Edie: "You said you two were finished. You thought he was a murderer."
Susan: "And that was your cue to come over and flirt? You wasted your time and your doughnuts."
Edie: "Not if you choke on them."
Mike: "Well, thanks Edie. The doughnuts look great."
Edie: "Pleasure. See ya."
Susan: "You know, I’m gonna run home and get some milk to go with those doughnuts."
Mike: "Hey, you know it’s, it's a shame you got to keep running back and forth."
Susan: "Well, I can’t have doughnuts and juice. It’s unnatural."
Mike: "No, I mean we should move in together. Come on, what do you say?"
Susan: "Um, I say, oh! Hold that thought. Edie, Edie stop! Stop! Hang on."
Edie: "What now?"
Susan: "Oh, I was just rude back there gloating and everything and I apologize."
Edie: "Well, thank you, Susan. Very big of you."
Susan: "And on a completely unrelated topic, Mike and I are moving in together. See ya."

Gabrielle: "Hey, I thought you might be thirsty."
Justin: "No, I’m good."
Gabrielle: "So, how’s your roommate doing?"
Justin: "He’s hanging in there."
Gabrielle: "Well, uh, I had to, um, tell him some news that was a little bit upsetting for him."
Justin: "No kidding."
Gabrielle: "Excuse me?"
Justin: "Where do you get off telling John he’s not good enough to raise a child? That kid can be his."
Gabrielle: "It is a complicated situation."
Justin: "It seems pretty simple to me. You’re an unfeeling bitch."

George: "Don’t do that."
Bree: "George, do you have an erection?"
George: "I’m sorry."
Bree: "What on earth?"
George: "You were blowing on my ear."
Bree: "I was teasing you."
George: "Exactly."
Bree: "You have got to get rid of it. There are children present."
George: "How?"
Bree: "I don’t know. Um, um think of something unpleasant."
George: "Like what?"
Bree: "Like famine, or disease, or hobos. Whatever. Just hurry."

Gabrielle: "So is Susan coming?"
Lynette: "She said she might be a little late. They already started moving a few of Mike’s things over to her house."
Bree: "Already? Wow, good for her."
Lynette: "Yeah, it’s nice to see Susan so happy again."
Edie: "Yeah, I’m happy for Susan. But don’t you think she and Mike are moving a little fast? I mean two days ago, she was thinking he was a murderer and now she’s moving in with him?"
Gabrielle: "She found out it was in self-defense. I think they’ve cleared everything up."
Bree: "Yeah good point."
Lynette: "Mike's a decent guy."
Edie: "Yeah, that’s true. Of course there was the gun shot wound."
Lynette: "That’s right. Did they ever explain that?"
Bree: "No, and I know guns and that wound was not self-inflicted."
Edie: "And then what about Mrs. Huber’s blood-stained jewelry?"
Lynette: "Yeah, that didn’t walk into Mike’s garage by itself."
Gabrielle: "Maybe this is a mistake. If there’s one thing I’ve learned men can’t be trusted."
Edie: "Hold it. Are you saying that we should put a stop to this?"
Bree: "Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to sit her down and share our concerns."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, we could do that."
Lynette: "Yeah."
Bree: "Edie, do you want to be a part of it?"
Edie: "Well normally, I’d prefer not to get involved, but if there’s anyway that I could help Susan..."

Susan: "We need to talk."
Mike: "Okay."
Susan: "When I was packing up your stuff in your bedroom, I found a box of bullets."
Mike: "Oh."
Susan: "Look, I feel really bad about Deirdre, and I know that you must want to find out who killed her, but if we’re gonna move in together, we can’t have this stuff hanging over us. You've gotta get rid of it. All of it: the file, the map, the gun, especially the gun and leave this to the police. They’re the professionals."
Mike: "Well, what can I say? It seems like a reasonable request."
Susan: "Oh. Really? Well, that was easy. Maybe after lunch we can talk about your leather bean bag chair."

Tom: "Hey, what’s going on?"
Annabel: "Oh Tom, I have had the craziest day. This morning the guys from Mitchell and Currents called me in. They offered me a job."
Tom: "Well, are you gonna take it?"
Annabel: "Well, I told Peterson about it and they just upped their offer. He just made me vice president."
Tom: "Of what?"
Annabel: "Tom! The firm. He gave me Duggan’s old job. Isn’t that wild? I have to go tell Scotty. I’ll see you later."
Dan: "Oh Tom, I was just coming to find you."
Tom: "What the hell, Dan? I mean what the hell? You promoted Annabel over me?"
Dan: "She got another job offer. I couldn’t afford to lose her, not now."
Tom: "Well, guess what, you lose me, 'cause I quit."
Dan: "Tom, don’t overreact."
Tom: "No, the first time you pass me by, I took it like a good soldier, but since Duggan’s heart attack, I have already been doing the job, I’ve already been doing it, then you just hand it to Annabel?"
Dan: "Okay, you made your point."
Tom: "No, you make crappy decisions on a daily basis, Dan, I got to tell you, but this one this is the stupidest."
Dan: "Hey, watch yourself."
Tom: "You have been running this company in the ground since you got here. The way I see it, I’m getting out easy."
Dan: "All right, Scavo, you want to know why I gave that promotion to Annabel? Why she got the knot instead of you? It was Lynette."
Tom: "What?"
Dan: "She went to my wife and begged her to get me to kill your promotion. She said that if you start traveling more, it’s gonna hurt your family."
Tom: "She did that?"
Dan: "Now I feel like a chump for trying to help you guys out. I guess it was another one of my crappy decisions. Have your desk cleaned out by tonight."

Bree: "George. Hi. What are you doing here?"
George: "I’m shopping, obviously."
Bree: "Why are you shopping here? You live on the other side of town."
George: "My friend had an operation. I’m buying her some things."
Bree: "Oh, well, that’s very nice of you."
George: "Wait, Bree, I have to tell you something."
Bree: "Well?"
George: "You need to tell Rex to be more discreet when it comes to discussing your love life."
Bree: "I’m sorry?"
George: "I don’t want to say anything more. You just really need to tell him that."
Bree: "Wait a minute. What in the world are you talking about?"
George: "I was at the hospital, visiting my friend who had had this operation, and I overheard two doctors talking about Rex’s fondness for S and M."
Bree: "You heard that?"
George: "Apparently he told them he has a box of toys? And gets you to do very inappropriate things."
Bree: "I see."
George: "Bree, this is clearly none of my business and I would’ve never brought this up, but to hear those two men laughing about you, I just thought you should know."
Bree: "Well, thank you for telling me, but I think, um, I’ve got to go."

Rex: "What are you doing up?"
Bree: "Couldn’t sleep, so I was just sitting here thinking."
Rex: "About what?"
Bree: "You really want to know?"
Rex: "Bree, I’m not feeling too hot right now so just tell me. What’s up?"
Bree: "I was thinking that the biggest mistake of my entire life was agreeing to marry you."
Rex: "Let me guess. I’ve done something wrong."
Bree: "Forcing me to share in your depraved pasttime wasn’t bad enough, you had to share my humiliation with your co-workers?"
Rex: "What?"
Bree: "Rex, everybody is talking about our sex life. Every sordid little detail right down to that box of perversions you keep in your closet."
Rex: "Bree, I, I never said anything to anyone. I swear to god."
Bree: "You’re a liar."
Rex: "Who told you this?"
Bree: "It doesn’t matter."
Rex: "It does matter because I never said anything."
Bree: "Well then how do people know because we both know that I wouldn’t say anything."
Rex: "Why would I tell people about what we do in bed?"
Bree: "I don’t know Rex. Maybe you were bragging or maybe you just subconsciously wanted to hurt me. Well, congratulations, you did it. I am officially destroyed."
Rex: "I didn’t say anything."
Bree: "I don’t believe you."
Rex: "Oh, oh."
Bree: "Rex? What is it?"
Rex: "I think I’m having a heart attack."
Bree: "No, you’re not."
Rex: "Bree, you’re gonna have to take me to the hospital."
Bree: "Um, all right. You, uh, go downstairs and I will be, I'll be right there."

23. rész

Bree: "Hi. What are you doing here?"
Susan: "We heard Rex had a heart attack. How is he?"
Bree: "Um, he's stable, but, um, they have to put in a pacemaker, so they're gonna need to operate. How did you guys know?"
Gabrielle: "Danielle called."
Lynette: "So how are you doing?"
Bree: "We were having a fight when he had the heart attack, and I'm just feeling really guilty, because I should have gotten him here sooner and - "
Gabrielle: "Honey, the doctors here are great!"
Lynette: "Yeah, and he's so young, he's gonna bounce right back."
Susan: "I'm sure you have nothing to worry about."
Bree: "You know what? I am so happy that you guys came here, I really am, but I am trying really hard to be strong, so if you keep comforting me..."
Lynette: "You're gonna lose it?"
Bree: "Mm-hmm."
Gabrielle: "Then we won't comfort."
Bree: "Thank you."
Gabrielle: "We're just gonna talk about non-crisis things."
Susan: "Oh, I know. Uh, I found Mrs. Huber's journal in some of Mike's stuff, and I think she knew Mary Alice's secret and was blackmailing her."

Edie: "Mrs. Applewhite?"
Mrs. Applewhite: "Yes?"
Edie: "Hi. I'm Edie Britt. The realtor that helped you buy this house?"
Mrs. Applewhite: "Oh, of course. Hi."
Edie: "Hi. I've been so curious to meet you."
Mrs. Applewhite: "Really? Why?"
Edie: "It's just that I've never sold a house over the phone before."